Bruised Rose, Broken heart, Undying Determination









I will now explain my absence and lack of involvement:


Well, it's been rough since March. Aunt Jesse (my great Aunt from my father) was diagnosed as ill with cancer. She seemed to get better with chemotherapy around May. She was convalesing until numerous canceroues masses were found all over her lymph system. She passed in mid July. I liked her. She was always very nice and she spoke so well.

My cos Johnny has been sick with leukemia for about two years. He passed then as well. I think it was the nineth of June. He was buried the 12th. My memory fails me. He and are are the same age and all. Were. We WERE the same age. Nineteen. He was always the healthier one too. A football player. He knew he was passing and faced it with dignity.

Then my cousin Steven died and was buried July 12th. He was always very nice to me. He and his sister are good. He had such sickness. Pneumonia. His friends loved and took care of him and were there 'til the end. He was always funny. If he thought something he'd let you know. And you'd still laugh.



With all of them gone so quick it hasn't hit me yet. All I feel is this muzz.

I'm sad. I'm not doing so well.

But I'm holding on. Just keep holding on. Don't let go. Keep on trucking. All that.

Easier said than done.



My boyfriend left on the 12th of June for his "journey". He has yet to be settled in. He said he would write and call and neither has come my way. I remember his voice so clearly. How he sat on the chair across from me. If I remember hard enough, I can still see him there. But memory only serves so much. I'm afraid I'll forget. All I can do is wait. I wonder if he still loves me. If he's okay. It's a normal worry. I've talked to some friends. Ha ha. You know who you are. Sandra is good about all of it too.

She has finished her book! She's got it in manuscript form and now she's just got to print it out and get all that publishing jazz going on! I can't wait to read the entire book! It's wonderful! Spectacular! And it has DRAGONS!!!

So please, wait in hardboiled anticipation as I am.



Our joint story (which is the only art I seem to be submitting much to my current lack of fanbase) is coming along well. Please look for that story too once we have it ready! I'll let you know!!!



Besides my melancholy, I'm surviving. I'm trying to enjoy life and find new things. Please be supportive of me. I'm trying to write more of the fanfictions you all seem to enjoy so much. It's hard for me, but I shall do my best!

I'm saving up for Russian lessons. I'm a Russophile and Deutchophile. (But my heart belongs to America ) And Russian is harder for me than German. And I was never able to find that German penpal, so, Russian it shall be! It's a lovely language. I think so. The food is good (takes getting used to if you don't instantly like it... like how German food looks... "special". Both are very good. I think they're tasty). And there's a good Russian enclave here in LA. Almost as big as the Italian, Chinese, and Japanese enclaves. I think there's a German one. But the Russian is bigger.

The music is wonderful as well. So fun.



I'm trying to be more proactive in my life. To do more.

I'm trying new things and trying to be a good partner. If anyone knows me well enough, my romantic recordsheet is spotty at best. The good Doctor and Sandra would know. *sigh* I'm doing my best here. Love conquers all.

I have a jar of raw eucalyptus honey. It's soooo good. yum. I am doing me best.

Just have to stay busy. Stay positive.

If anyone wants to talk, please contact me via note or email. Just ask and you shall recieve.



With all love,

Merrique